Parenting

Parenting; how many of us are truly aware what parenting truly entails. What makes a good parent? Is it only about loving a child, or is it about showering him with every material gift? What is upbringing really all about. A well mannered polite child, who will study hard and succeed in getting admission to the best colleges and finally have a career that will make him rich or is it more than that?

Children are our greatest gifts. So many parents do not realize what a wonderful gift they are and abuse them. How any parent could abuse someone so helpless, so dependent on them is beyond my understanding, yet so many children suffer abuse at the hands of their so called protectors. While others are spoilt, overfed, over pampered, showered with every material gifts. This too is a form of abuse.

There are other forms of abuse that most parents are perhaps not even aware of, subliminal abuse; comparing your child to others, criticizing him and always bringing him down will erode his self esteem and destroy his confidence and leave him with an inferiority complex among other mental problems.

Another way of this kind of abuse is burdening them with unrealistic expectations that they cannot possibly meet. This puts immense pressures on them and leaves them with a lifelong feeling of inadequacy and guilt at the thought of having let their parents down. Children have been driven to suicide with these.

So what is the best we can do for our child, How do we understand their needs and give them what they need.

We all know children need love. Of course when asked any parent will say they love their child. Yet many parents do not know how to show this love or even how to love their kids the way the kids need to be loved.

The first thing your child needs from you is unconditional acceptance and to be loved for who they are, not what you wish your child to be. A child needs his parents to accept his shortcomings and love him in spite of them. If you accept them you can then help them over come what you perceive to be their shortcomings, in a positive and encouraging way. Then you will have the satisfaction of seeing your child blossom and grow. Do not though push them in ways they have no talent for, at the same time remember that every person has some degree of latent talent in them that can be nurtured, so find out what is your child's forte. Do not use your child to achieve your own frustrated ambitions or to follow the path you've chosen or chase your dreams. They may have their own talents and their own dreams. They have a right to dreams of their own. Your child is an individual, not an extension of you. Never forget that. A parent's role is that of protector, guide and nurturer.

A child needs to be understood. Do you know what is going on in your child's daily life? Do you know what your child is reading or learning or watching on TV. Do you know how your child's thinking process is developing. Are you aware of what your child is going through in school.

Are you there to listen to your children or do you think sending them to school, buying them what everyone else has, feeding them, giving treats, attending their games and tucking them in bed with a good night kiss is what good parenting is all about. If so then you are very wrong, of course all this is a part of parenting responsibilities, but also equally important is listening to your child, be accessible to your child, so he can talk to you without hesitation. Truly watching your child grow means to watch them develop mentally and emotionally and to be there with the answers they need to correct them and to guide them so they become complete individuals.

Children need to be protected and cared for, more than things what they need from a parent is time. They also need to feel emotionally secure, a fact that all parents and mainly those who have differences should never forget, whatever your problems keep your child out of it and know that whatever you might cease to be for each other you will always be mother and father to the child. Do not take that away from your child.

Children also need rules. Rules give them a sense of security while at the same time develop their character. One of the most important things is that a parent should be the role model for the child. There is little use of telling a child not to lie or cheat or use bad language or violence, if the parent is not practicing it as well. Rules and discipline are important for a child as is a sense of distinguishing right from wrong without any haziness in between. Make a set of rules for your child to follow that you too do not break. Instil in them the right values that will stand by them through life.

Children also need to be supported and taught how to manage problems and hardships that their life might bring. In these days of instant gratification where a child is given everything he needs or doesn't need it becomes very hard for them to develop moral fibre and strength of character that will see them through life without letting them fall apart at the first sign of things going wrong. Only parents can help them to develop this as well as develop self esteem, a sense of self worth and an individuality that will see them through life beginning with constant peer pressure, or bullying in school to even tougher problems that life brings to all of us.

There is more your children need though, These little beings who will be tomorrows citizems of the world. They need to be instilled with good values and taught to respect others different from them. They need to be taught to care for those who have less than them, the old, the infirm, the poor, the handicapped. They need to be encouraged to do things for those who are in need of help. They also need to be taught responsibility. Working alongside a parent or doing chores will infuse a child with pleasure and pride at his/her accomplishment. Children need their creativity to be developed. The greatest destroyers of creativity, and I call them the black holes of time are television and video games.

Parenting is an awesome responsibility, we can understand how awesome when we think that even Hitler had parents and people like Saddam Hussein, or Genghiz Khan, too had parents. On the other hand so had Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa and all those other wonderful people who have single handedly made such an impact on the world. The writers who have affected us with their thinking and the industrialists who are destroying our Earth for petty profits have or have had parents.

So last but not the least as a parent must not forget that how you bring up your child will finally affect the world in some way or the other. Your cute little bundle of joy has the potential to change the world for better or for worse. The right upbringing of your child is your responsibility not only towards your child but also towards the Earth's future. Are you bringing up a child to make peace or war, to be selfish or care, to concentrate his entire existence to the accumulation of wealth or to find happiness in small pleasures and to find peace in nature. What priorities is your child developing?

Pari Ali

Negative 2 Positive
Please,

help stop the rain
That falls from our childrens eyes
Stop feedin' them lies
I can hear their cries worldwide
And it's no surprise
That they'll just grow up as HATE
in DISGUISE
No...
It's not too late
To fill their hearts
Before they deflate
Just give them some love
A hug, and a future
They can dream of
Let's teach them to fly
With one broken wing
While their hearts are still
Willing to sing
We can teach them
The true meaning of 'positive'
A better way to live
Maybe if they forget
They'll learn to forgive....

Maybe if we can show them
The true beauty of this world
Their fears will be unfurled
Let's reach out
Give a hand
Make a chain
Within this land

We'll overcome
and understand
It won't happen overnight
To ignite this potential light
Let's wipe their tears
And give them new insight
A smarter way to fight this fight
And sooner rather than later
Everythings gon'be alright....


© 2004 Heartagold22 (All rights reserved)

All you need is love.......


It seems as if it was yesterday,
when I became the mom of "a Tuesdays child".
You pursed your lips and looked my way,
"mom , treat me gently and dad teach me to play wild"

We did not have a license nor an instruction book,
and needless to say we were scared to death.
But you seemed to fit right into that nook,
in my arms up close , I smelled your sweet breath.

Life was good for us , as we loved each other,
and three years later I felt the first stir.
Of what was soon to become your brother,
he was born all hairy , a little bundle of fur.

The world was changing at a very fast pace,
no longer as innocent as when we grew up.
Man had already conquered space,
when your dad and I were growing up

And then they landed on the moon,
when I myself was barely three.
How did we grow up so soon ,
and create our nuclear family?

Loving both of you was the easy part,
harder was teaching you right from wrong.
Nowadays parents have to be twice as smart,
learn about the dangers , and teach their children to stay strong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Temptations are lurking everywhere,
not only in big cities , but in every small town
Drugs of choice available here and there,
peerpressure can make our children drown.

Hillary is right, it takes a village
nowadays to raise a child
hoodlums and gangs , a world full of carnage,
Parents , please keep your children from running wild.

Be a parent , but also a great friend,
and listen to their woes.
Listen and help them their hurts to mend,
pretend to be walking in their shoes.

Tell them they are loved , and that they matter,
discipline them , but never raise your hand.
A young heart does not need much to shatter,
and most of all don't bury your head in the sand

Lovingly touch them daily and give them a hug,
for there is evil that wants to put them through the test.
Give them the strength to walk away with a shrug ,
never show disappointment , as long as they have tried their best.

To be a good parent is the hardest job of all,
and it is getting harder every day.
Pick up your children should they fall,
and when they are all grown , your work will reflect in your pay

All rights reserved, © cherche -d -ame

A PARENT LESSON


Keep the scope on your future, transparent.
Never block a vision with clouded mind.
In lessons of life, these are apparent,
value love, virtue, and always be kind.

Praise spiritual souls whose faith is keen.
Follow your dreams, but reach out helping hands.
Lead the blind poor, when their road is unseen.
Respect all people from different lands.

You know money cannot buy grace, or class.
Look through animal eyes, see nature's view.
Ever be wary, let temptation pass.
Give what is needed, you'll get what is due.

Lessons, parents teach, may be prophetic,
and outweigh influence that's genetic


All rights reserved, © dlbrown

A Selfless Act...


As they take their first breath,
be in awe of them.
When they first open their eyes,
be amazed with them.
When they utter their first words,
remember to cherish them.
When they take their first steps,
instinctively guide them.
As they learn to run,
always keep an eye on them.
As they grow and flourish,
set some time away from life to nurture them.
Don't forget you'll learn from them
as well teach them.
Always show your love in good and bad times
and encourage them.
When they begin to test you,
stand your ground and be patient with them.
When they get hurt or deflated,
provide that shield and cover them.
When they cry out in confusion,
that's when you become that steady
foundation for them.
When they speak their minds about a view,
be supportive and respect them.
When they turn away from boundaries,
use wisdom and pray for them.
When they realize and finally come back to you,
with open arms, receive them.
Be their mentor, but also be their friend
and in tough times when
nothing else seems to work,
give God control and just uplift them.
They won't fully understand
everything you've ever done for them
but when it's their time to experience their own kids,
that's your cue to relax and spoil them!
Your children will finally know at that moment
as they watch you arrive at full circle,
what it really means to be a parent then.

All rights reserved, © Mozaic