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Imagine waking up in the hospital with no clue to why you are there. It happened to me. Your not so average Sleeping Beauty,
I woke up with a headache the felt as if a lil dwarf was in there hammering away. Wait wrong story, anyways you get the picture.
I'd had two seizures and one Sub-arachnoid Hemorrhage. Basically my wee little brain turned into candle wax and tried
to come out my ear. That is what they told me. Newborn baby at home along with 3 other siblings, thinking okay am I going
to live to see tomorrow?
And OMG that country song "please don't take the girl" that was me. I was now a living breathing song. Proof
of how life can kick you in the teeth, and still have the nerve to smile at you.
Oh I was angry, like most people have never been. Angry at the big man upstairs. I had been a good person, I GAVE at
Christmas to the bell ringers, I helped total strangers, why did this happen to me ? Sounds silly now but imagine, a new baby
you haven't held but once or twice, and thinking are you going to get to see her first smile? That was the thought that stayed
in my head.
Tests oh I was put through so many of them, needles and hands all over me, I felt awful, I LOOKED worse, and I couldn't
stop crying.
Was I going to live? I was scared to sleep, for this thing happened when I was asleep, I would lay there and pray so
hard that I would see the sunrise the next day. AND CRY BUCKETS of tears. I know I filled a pool with my tears. A nonstop
grief stricken mother.
They put me in therapy ! Me why I was fine it was the rest of the world that was crazy, the other people in the "Brain
Group" had headaches. SHAAA.. What ! Oh a headache .. I was a hateful person at that point, and spit out my story ,
and not a dry eye was there when I finished. And then I got up and left. And told the Doctors to never put me in a group like
that again, no one knew how I felt, no one understood.
And then one day, I got it. I realised that instead of being grateful for every second more I had with my family I was
pushing them further away out of fear. I was just a scared woman. And I pulled myself together, and saw that God in his own
wisdom, saved me for a reason. It was up to me to figure out why. I still am searching and I still am learning. I am a work
in progress, but I LIVE EVERY MOMENT AS IF IT MIGHT BE MY LAST.
And it could. Life is to short for regrets, and should haves.
I should have told my best friend how much I love her, I should have gone mountain climbing, I should have taken a vacation
with the kids. Do it, make it all count. You never know when Fate, GOD, or Life will step in. Change your ways, be proud of
who you are, be the person you want your kids to look up to. I did and I am the better for.. And I think I am living life
truly living it, eating it, breathing it, and sleeping it. And that is all that matters in the end...
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